BATMAN DOESN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE.

3.1.04:

Yes, Patrick, I bet it's jsut great that a fuckload of sisters with small children who aren't rich, white and geographically western enough to fucking own a sofa to sit on are going to be blown up so that you don't have to worry yr pretty little head about how to solve the fucking problem, instead of just one manifestation of it. What a great labour saving device yr army turned out to be, helpfully preventing you from ever having to look at the consequnces of yr own actions, and realise that America isn't only about the people who prosper from international capitalism as if some how all the people who get made poor / dead / homeless / radiation-mutated by it just forgot to turn up to the metting where the rules were explained.

How good it is that yr New Year's Resolution allows you to never have to think about the world, or admit guilt and complicity, and how nice it will be for you when you get to Heaven and God turns out to understand that he made the whole world, and not just you. What that just suck so hard for you?

I bet you think laws against speeding are tyranny, too.

_chris! // 00:27

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1.1.04:

1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?
Moving away from home, with everything that came with that. Drove off a cliff, survived, and came away with a new-found respect for life, and a wish to teach other to seize the day as I have learnt to.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Did I make any? They were probablly embarresing, if I did, and I can't remember. This year, I will do everything in Feburary, which gies me the smallest amount of time possible, and so a good excuse when I don't, as well as tell everyone about my new-found respect for life, before teaching them to seize the day as I have learnt to.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Lucy's annoying cousin who got right on my nerves and Look! missed all the Social Religious Studies lessons on contraception did.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Worryingly, I can't remember. Probablly old people who I never see, was told about later and failed to grasp properly. No one so close that I went to a funeral, or placed it firmly and temporaly. However, I and she she nearly did, driving off a cliff, and now I have a new-found respect for life, and a wish to teach others to seize the day as I have learnt to.

5. What countries did you visit?
Northern Ireland, which is a different place, fuckweedface. And Wales. And Swindon.

6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?
A group fo friends that is better then my sister's (worrying feeling I may have had that all along, and be loosing it again to movement); better bass-playing skills; a zine. The strength and courage to seize the day, but I have that now, thanks to my new-found respect for life.

7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Nothing spunked my cunt so hard in such a small space of time to stand out from this year with it's own 8-digit signifier. Also, 31/12/2003, when I drove off a cliff, survived, gained a new-found respect for life and began my misson to teach others to seize the day as I now am.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Not punching a lot of people in their faces'. Surviving driving off a cliff to gain a new-found respect for life so that I could teach others to seize the day as I now do.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not punching a lot of people in their faces'.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
A constant bad back, and for the first 8 hours I continued the trend of vomiting for no reason that characterised the Charistmas-to-New-Year period. I also pointedly suffered no injury driving off a cliff, as I was saved so that I may develop a new-found respect for life, and teach otehrs to seize the day as I have begun to.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My university education.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Lucy for never stopping. Me, for developing a new-found respect for life.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Bush and Blair, obviously. The entire staff of the entire tabloid industry, most of my hall mates, myself.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Books, DVDs, CDs.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Making it to the end of the term. Which is not to say that it was terrible and I wanted it over, but it's rather nice to know I can do it. Also, getting to tell people about my new-found respect for life, and teaching them how to seize the day.

16. What song will always remind you of 2003?
Anything by The Darkness.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
Oh so happier, and was so even before I got a new-found respect for life.

ii. thinner or fatter?
Fatter, pleasently.

iii. richer or poorer?
Richer in the sense that I have more money being thrown around with my name on; poorer, because less of it is disposable.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Gone out at university? Although this is linked to having better people around me.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Hating my hallmates, although they made me do this.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
In the family home, with my family. How else?

22. Did you fall in love in 2003?
I stayed in love, although there were moments where I fell again, rarely for an identifiable reason.

23. How many one night stands?
None.

24. What was your favourite TV programme?
Six Feet Under, 24, and Buffy was relentless, and oddly engaging.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Only because I didn't know them before.

26. What was the best book you read?
Houllebeq's Atomized.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Pop and rap. That's a bit sad, isn't it? I should have been dancing from birth. And it was 2003 when I first heard Valerie, and now they email me personally.

28. What did you want and get?
Lucy.

29. What did you want and not get?
The teenhood in my head.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
Pirates of the Carribean, though I have problem placing films in years. That was deffinately this year

31. What did you do on your birthday?
Eddie Izzard in Birmingham the ngiht before, and a meal with hallmates on the day, who all seemed to know, and not fuck me off so much accordingly.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Better hallmates.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?
Not enough.

34. What kept you sane?
Lucy, bass-playing, rude words, knowing there were a lot of people from Barbelith very near.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Justin Timberlake.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Iraq, the Conservative Party, Christina Aguilera.

37. Who did you miss?
The people who filled the teenhood in my head; Lucy.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Everyone from Barbeso'ton I'd not met before (I can't remember when I met who).

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003.
That I really can get along with people, when I try.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I don't know any pithy ones, since I grew out of 'Nobody loves me / Everybody hates me'

_chris! // 22:19

______________________

I have a band. A real band, this time, unlike the imaginary one I made with Gee, like, almost two years ago or something. This one is real, with ample instrumentations, and tomorrow I will buy a book of bass scales, and will learn them for my breaks in revision and then come Feburary (everything is come Feburary; new units, new timetable, job-hunting, no exams, Valentine's Day, rising temperatures; it's worryingly pseudo-mythical status will lead only to disappointment) everything will come up oranges.

Everything is going on hold for the next month, although I am prepareing already: the scales, and plans for a tee (pink, and cut for women) declaring NOT TOO POLITICAL, NOTHING TOO CLEVER. (I don't know why this last feels like an important symbol, a sticking it to everyone in my halls, a balls-in-hand declaration. Maybe I'll just them in the face instead. Why do I do this?).

I am listening to Idlewild until the urge to steal all of Shannyn Sossamon's clothes and be her goes away again.

_chris! // 21:18

______________________

Remind me to, sometime in the next year, attempt to remake The Sound Of Music so that the hills actually are alive, with cannibals, who decend from the Swiss Alps at the end and just eat the fuckers.

Failing that, maybe we could just have a more efficent Nazi war machine?

_chris! // 21:08

______________________

29.12.03:

Right now, I cannot be doing with Wollstonecraft. She is what is meant by 'uncalled for'. She is boring, and long-winded. I'm so annoyed with her, I'm actually going to insult her for being ungrammatical. That's how bad this woman is.

Obviously, it shouldn't be this way. Everyone else on my course's distaste for her (because she's a women, even before they found out she was a feminist woman!) is chalked up as one of the main reasons why I can justify feeling about six years older then everyone else at uni (See also: 'Northern Ireland is actually English. All of Ireland is, really'; 'All rap music is "nigger" and "bitch"'; 'The Sugababes are just another girlband' like it's a bad thing; 'Christina Aguilera should cover herself up more'/'I hate lesbians: they all wear trouser suits'; 'All lesbians are fat' 'No, actually, there's always a fat one and a thin one'; 'Gay men are all really attractive; it's such a waste'; 'Southampton's got way more pikeys then (wherever the fuck I live)' said, I suspect, about black people; 'I hate Polish people' 'I hate myself, I'm half Welsh'), but fuckssake. Do we honestly need 120 pages to tell us that women really could be men, if only men would let them?? This being after she's quite fairly pointed out that men ain't exactly rocking any worlds out there...

Given my Yeh Feminism! and Yeh Theory!, please someone tell me it gets better. That, later, we get extolation of pervy sex and pop music. Why doesn't Barbelith write more academic literature, and get it published academically? Why isn't the entire universe more exciting?

_chris! // 16:06

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