Will everyone please add me to their Friendster lists?? I'm too scared to add people to mine, for fear of freaking them out with my improper plutonic advances, and I'm crippled by the sense that everyone is using cooler email address then I know them by...

Damn it, people, make me feel known!

_chris! // 22:23



Jesus Shitting Motherfucking Shit Fuck!!

The Fucking Face just sent me an email going "Hey! We want to enter The Sky for an award!" Only they want to know how many contributers we have, and how often it's publuished.

Can someone please tell me how they found out about this, and also how I get over the over-whelming urge I am currently having to tidy everything up and then shit myself. Why did we decide to kill it after one issue?? Why couldn't I think of something to do with it?? It was a beautiful idea, why the fuck didn't we print more copies??

In other news, I have cauterised my back and it fucking hurts.

_chris! // 23:27



Obviously you'd have to be, um... Burchill, I guess, to not symapthise with this case, but here's something to think about:

That £3 million comes out of the healthcare NHS trust that failed to treat Angela Quelch properly. No one will dispute that the nurse placed on the ambulance was wrong to deny fluids to the paitent, while unconcious, on her behalf becuase "she was anorexic and wouldn't have wanted them"*, it's hard not to think that their having tomove her to fulfil a clerical requirement proving that they couldn't treat her properly in that county was a shitty beaurectric fuck-up, but still... how do we know Quelch could not recieve the proper care she needed becuase the healtchcare trust had already been sued by soeone else and thus had to cut back? How many people will not be affected by £3 million disappearing from the budget?

It should be stressed that the mother had all of this made clear to her in court, before she accepted the payment, and that she is well aware that epople will die, people will suffer needlessly and stupid mistakes will probablly be made again becuase of her actions. I'm not disputing that her daughter needs permenant care, and that expenses must be covered, but if this really is the only way, couldn't you at least pretend you care that you're killing people??

*I am quoting the mother on the radio just now

_chris! // 11:28



What the fuck is happening here? Last week's and this week's Burhcill columns havn't actually been hopelessly bigoted, pathetic, lazy excuses that are only get tollerated becuase she has ovaries.

That's two good weeks in a row, and I can already feel myself slowly warming to her... Must. Not. Forget. She. Thinks. I'm. Sick.

_chris! // 10:42


That's "wet myself with laughter", just becuase I really wanna end every criticism of them with the phrase "and the host really does turn into the body of Christ at communion!" and watch them really care

_chris! // 10:12


Something God would have given us if God was Simon Pegg:

Region 2 Mystery Science Theater 3000 DVDs with commentary tracks

Something God gave us becuase God is Chris Morris:

Herbie The Love Machine And The Schutzstaffelettes. Yes ladies and gentlemen, it's the world's greaterst ironic Nazi tribute band!

Is anyone else getting funny images of Ariel Sharon running after Ian McKellen shouting "But Mr Lehnsherr, I'm your biggest fan- I have all yr psychological defects!!" and whacking off to images of sitting in a big tank and making it bounce around using only his miiiiiind, crushing Palestinians below?

In other news, Ian Paisley Jr. actually thinks the Catholic church is the physical embodyment of the Antichrist. I nearly wet myself at the thought of his suppporters knee-capping me...

_chris! // 10:10


No. No no no. I don't like Anna Stothard, that is true. She is a shit writer, adn she is young, and she is published becuase her parents, erm... published her, essentially.

Does this mean
she is gay? No. Stop searching like that. Unless it's her, and she thinks the only people who could criticise her writting would use such insults as "gay" becuase they don't get it. That scenario sounds horribly likely...

_chris! // 09:57


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