OK, so this is weird. An article, apparently form the first of June, where Banksy is refered to as Robin Banks.

While I can't believe that I'm getting in drawn into even caring about this, and it's a much nicer idea to think that someone jsut told BBCi that his real name was ROBIN BANKS and they believed it, this aritcle does pre-date the celeb love-in that was the Turf War opening nite, debunking the theory that hi name was released just because it was funny, and a reaction to them.

Although thinking about it, I have no idea how or why it would be a reaction.

_chris! // 16:40


Look, could someone even fucking post to say that they're not going to go to the fucking Valerie/Blue Minskie's gig (don't pretend like y'all don't know what I'm talking about... ) so that I don't have to bump the shitter again myself. I wanna go, but I can't go unless I get crashspace from someone who my mother trusts (blanket-wide trust on all memebers of Barbelith, for no discernable reason). Fuckers.

However, I have a whole 16 ginger-and-dark-chocolate M&S biscuits to get thru. Mmm. Also, Big Brother ends today, so no more baby-whipping, gay-hating Cameron. Fucking A!

_chris! // 16:12



Weirdly, seven people have read my review of Valerie and yet evidently none of them are coming to the Betsy Trotwood.

What the hell is wrong with yr sick, warped, tiny little minds??

_chris! // 23:41


In the Daily Express today, there was a story about some Club 18-30 reps who, on a stage in a beach full of families on a Greek island, decided that the female ones would give the male ones head. Some of the people have quit and the others have, apparentl, "gone on the run and are in hiding". We can probablly safely assume that this was neither an existencial cry for help from the confines of their shallow lives and their inner pain and sadness, nor one of those moments where you get frisky and can't help yrself.

But anyway, the funniest thing was that one man was so incensed that he got his video camera and recorded it all for properity and the countyr as a whole, to show how much they dislike this sort of thing and it shouldn't be allowed to happen on their shores, and ooh aren't we all morally outraged by this?! decided to show it on the news.

_chris! // 23:39


To the lady who writes Big Trend. Please email me at Yr Livejournal contains no contact information. Oh, and thank you for reading my blog.

_chris! // 22:52


Fuck the Bicester Action Group.

Obviously asylum reception centres are a bad thing, we all know that. So opposing them, yay! But opposing them becuase youre racist little fuckweeds? Nay!

Am I the only person that's totally pissed off with all these little groups, the above being the only one who's name I know, that are springing up and going on the news a lot saying "We're not a racist community, but if black people came and sit in prisons near us then tensions are totally gonna flare up and we'll have to punch them and call them niggers and no, really, we'd have no choice in the matter at all. You know, lke before when people could get away with shit by saying it was a full moon when they did the shit. Yeeeeeeh.. ". What, you're jealous of the fact that, to avoid persecution, these people have to be put in jails? You want to be put in jails??

Also, they do not come here and both "sponge off all our benefits" and, at the same time, "steal all our jobs". That's clearly crap. And you want the jobs insead? Go on, leave yr family and yr home and everything you care about and trapse around th country doing back-breaking, soul-destorying menial labour tasks for below the minimum wage and thene very so often get busted. You want that job? Good, have that job and then they can enjoy whatever little luxuries you are.

Wo cares if 6 out of 10 asylum seekers are really trying to escape enermously fucked up levels of poverty? Let them in too! Mostly we're just quibbling semantics, surely? Why shouldn't they be allowed here? Becuase you don't like their foreign-looking face? Fuck off and die in a miserable hut in a miserable village in the Ukraine then, you little shit. Btu then presumably you don't deserve to do that simply on the grounds that you were born in England and thus are entitled by the entire fucking universe to live very comfy lives while other people don't.

And Bicester Action Gorup- if not in Bicester, then where? oh, don't have an answer for that? Here are my thumbs, please gouge yr fucking eyes out on them now.

_chris! // 22:43



Dr. Kelly, infinite redux.

Becxuase some people seem the find it impossible to understand things, here are some interesting facts:

Kelly spoke to Gavin Hewitt. Kelly told the select committe that he hadn't. This was A: a lie, B: a memory lapse.

Kelly has never denied that he named Campbell, but said that he couldn't remember conversations six weeks ago, and "it didn't sound like him".

He appears to be A: a rampant liar covering his own back (although why deny the Hewitt breifing??) or B: a man with a really bad memory.

So is the BBC really in a shit? No. Why not? Because Gilligan got a bit over-excited and besides, his most damanging comments were made in the Daily Mail. We may, now, never find out what really happaned, and we probablly wouldn't have either, becuase Kelly's had either forgotten, or wasn't going to fuck up his own job for the sake of the truth. Who knows?

It's probablly jsut as well for all involved that no one really seems to care anymore, as now they can all waste their time by turns triping over themselves to praise the virtues of a man NONE OF THEM EVER FUCKING KNEW and attempting to give the judge presiding over the enquiry so many powers that he could shit on the Queens head and rub it in singing IRA marching songs and call it evidence gathering before going on to tell everyone that his field of investigation has been extended to include what the young people are listening to in Ibiza these days, and spending the next two months ripped to the tits on E and up to his veiny bangstick in barely-pubescent beauteous ladies composig sonnets extolling the joys of pederast and the Conservative Party would still be nodding their heads and musing about how the Government are still impeding his work but not allowing him anally penetrate their own 8 year old children.

Why the shitting fuck should the jedge investigate the ENTIRE WAR on the back of this? What, exactly, is being investigated, and what circumstances are there? And if there are circumstances that need investigating- big, evil circumstances with dark forces and shadowy players- will it really help to have a judge assesing the war as well? That really needs to be delt with somewhere else. This is, horrible tho it is, a side show at the very most.

_chris! // 15:22


An interesting fact the stupid Loose Women panel might want to bear in mind:

X is dating Y. In fact, X has dated Y so much that X doesn't date Y anymore, but instead lives with Y, although no one having this story recounted to them knows any more details about the relationship then that- that X and Y are a multi-gendered, hetrosexual co-habiting couple. Enter Z, who gets X hott. X and Z go at it all nite in X and Y's bed, and in the morning Y comes home, discovers this situation and flips out, beating X up.

Women Who Are Loose, it is probablly worth you removing yr heads from yr arses now and realising that, what the fuck, upon hearing this you fucking CHEERED? You find this acceptable?? All of a sudden domestic violence deserves a pat on the back and a well done and a You go girl! ?? HAVE YOU ALL HAD YR BRAINS REMOVED??

Oh, and may I also side with the only woman on the panel who appears to possess the ability to think in agreeing that, FOR FUCKS SAKE, wearing a mini-skirt that has ridden half way up yr arse, and no underwear, and then flashing yr vagina at men COULD POSSIBLY BE CONSTRUDED AS IN SOME WAY SEXUAL, AND THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MORALS, AND WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ALL SAT THERE SAYING THAT THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SEXUALITY AND THAT PEOPLE WHO THINK HAS ARE DELUDED. PUT YR VAGINAS AWAY.

_chris! // 15:07



Err... well here's the BBC on Turf War's closure.

It does seem rather petulant for the good Mr Robin Banks* to have shut the whole thing down a day early simply becuase there were no animals, given how long people would have to spend getting to the place (and Loz lies when he says it was a pleasent walk. It was a 50 minute walk, following someone's bright idea to remove ALL THE AIR FORM EAST LONDON. It was like walking thru the inside of yr parents car on summer holidays) and the fact that it seemed perfectly fine on sunday without them.

This seems esp weird when you consider that he's considering what was a site specific show on tour around the country, completely bereft of it's aparently Completely Essential Killer Ingredient.

*Let's thing about this carefully now, shall we? In between all the talk of "the organisers" sounding like A BIG MASS OF PEOPLE ALL DOING THE SAME THING, HINT HINT (I mention this mostly to validate the below theory) and the fact that the apparantly real name, so well hidden before now, SOUNDS JUST LIKE AN ILLEGAL ACTIVITY, I can't help but feel that maybe, JSUT MAYBE, something in the article is a joke...

_chris! // 17:26


Mmm... hair porn... /

So apparently
Banksy's Turf War's been aborted early, although I'm not sure why: the animals, in light of the heat and, presumably, the immense distress felt at the endless parade of All Stars, were taken away early so what else was there to get him on? Treason?

Anyway, it's nice to see Blur's £10,000 didn't go to waste, as I'll presume it paid for the space, sofas etc as well as the BOGOF's*. Most of it was very nice, esp putting Camp** in a context where people won't seek him out and burn him at the stake for it ( do you see? There's a story behind it, nutfuckers), and filling rooms with junk, presumably just so people would go and stroke their chins at it so that other people could laugh at them.

It was possibly slightly let down by the enermous amount of Hoxton Style Wank Networking going on, and the number of people sat on sofas reading the books that were on sale- WHY ARE PEOPLE READING ABOUT BANKSY IN AN EXHIBITION OF BANKSY'S THINGS?? Oh, and the shitter ran a projection onto a, presumably, purposefully hit-by-sunlight spot so I couldn't make it out.

Obligatory Banksy Conspiracy Theory: the guy who sold me a copy of Banging Your Head Against A Brick Wall told me they'd run out of Existencilism, but if I'd like to conact their website, "we can send you one in the next few weeks"- ARTSCHOOLBEARDLOOSECOLLECTIVEOFLIKEMINDEDINDIVDUALS WHOEXPRESSTHEIRINDIVIDUALITYTHRU... ALLSPRAYING WALLSEXACTLYTHESAMEWAYPATROLGO!!

*Buy One Get On Free: a scheme by which he makes bronze scupltures, selling one and giving the other "to the city". A fantastic idea, yes, but, uh... fuck, that first one's bad: big, bronze Thinker with a traffic cone on it's head, in that purposefully-slap-dash style where it's covered in lumps, and then covered in paint. Really badly. Ugh.
**It wasn't exactly the picture you see here, but a verison thereof.

_chris! // 16:23


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