Wow! I love Republican Strategists! We just had one on Newsnight! How do Americans cope with such great fun on yr own doorstep EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK!!

I’ve just been informed that voters don’t like the phrase “permanent war”, so we’re talking about “national security” instead, and that Republicans actually manage to make boiled shit look so different from fried shit that there’s a 20% (or “twenty points”, if you’re weird) difference in people’s perceptions of their policy. Plus, he practically told me “Don’t like Bush- well what’s the alternative?!”

He was great! And to top it off, he looked like he’d just spend three weeks in a big comfy chair throwing nachos into his mouth and kicking the dog while hollering at the TV to whup those towelheads fag asses!!


_chris! // 23:36



This is an open invitation, which, because I am jittery and still have faint traces of sparkly black nail varnish stuck to my cuticles like a bad bit part in a Meanwhile, Back In Communist Russia... and no, I don’t know why that would be important, I will later feel perfectly justified in revoking at a moments notice, for any Londoners who know where the cool kids go to come out to play next Tuesday. Lunch time onward fun times?

As a proviso, I wish it known that this, obviously, relates to people I know who are reading this, not the crazed Needledick readers who come here looking for “fuck Arabs” or Anna Stothard looking for a fight. It’s only not being posted in the Gathering because I have a shit track record there. And I lied. This is me offering Stothard out.

Coming up next: just what is “lunch time” anyway?

_chris! // 20:54


The rest of my house is full of very happy people and I am reduced to tears by finishing Sputnik Sweetheart, which I didn’t even like much, and I didn’t understand.

Sleep. What I need is sleep. I don’t need The Sopranos. Anyone wanna guess what my nite’s gonna consist of now?

I should revise. I don’t wanna revise. I’m Too Cool For School and, when I’m a big boy, no one’s gonna care about my Psychology A Level anyway. When I’m a big boy, people’ll finally accept that an exam on fucking Goldfinger’s a stupid waste of my time. When I’m a big boy, The Jump Off’ll diffuse into my skin like Japanese vitamins and I won’t have to keep pressing “back”.

_chris! // 20:51



So let's get this straight: you gave us the Axis Of Evil, and then proceded to go after the one that isn't shoving depleted uranium sticks up small children's anuses before putting them in sharks with laserbeams on their heads and sending them out to chew on their south nighbours singing the French national anthem, but instead the one that doesn't have any weapons any more and who's population has slowly been dying* as you siphon out one third of the Oil For Food fund to pay "administrative costs" and now,now you not even going to go after the next country on the list!

The fuck?

*Well, we say slowly. We actually mean agonisingly and painfully over a long-drawn-out period of time.

_chris! // 21:52



I odn't normally comment on my search referals, but christian aguilera naked must surely rank as the lamest thing going- it's spelt wrong, it's not an image search and, for fucks sake people! Do they not teach imagination in year 9 anymore??

On another note, listening to three men going "No, I ain't pulled yet either- BUT SOME CHICK'S TITS TOTALLY FELL OUT FO HER DRESS!! I WAS LIKE WAYYHEYY!! FUCKING BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!" is super not fun. At least I could rest assured that I had my trusty cumerbund! It is OK! Nothing bad could happen while I was assured that the world was protected from having to see the place where my shirt met my trousers! Weirdly, upward-facingly creased faux silk once again saving the world for the indignity of visible shirt/trouser interfacing!

You know it's all good, baby...

_chris! // 21:47


No, Sharon, yr pulling out of settlements will not be painful for Jews. It'll probablly be a really fucking hard thing for stupid, lying, Nazi bastards who like ghettoising people and trying to wipe them out to do, but then they're not Jews. They're just wankers. Really, dude, there's a difrence...

_chris! // 12:45


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