The arrival of AfroBarber on Barbelith is scaring me. Knowing ‘Lithers in real life is fair enough. Knowing Real Lifers in the ‘Lith is just Not On. I suddenly don’t feel like I can talk so openly there, like I’m gonna have to constantly be checking my butt for stains cos I sat in something. It doesn’t help that I’ll be checking my butt for a guy who once wittily stuck the words “Cock Face” between my first and last names for two years.
But then that’s an obvious reaction to have, and what’s far less obvious, and far more dumb, is my reaction to Jack Fear’s reaction to him. The good Mr. Fear, amongst other things, hasn’t bitten his head off. He’s possibly made it all a bit red and sore with his scratchyscratchy beard, but he hasn’t bitten it. I don’t get either from him, instead existing in an emotionally stunted state of pinning. Frankly, Mr. Fear is just one of those shockingly... something people, and I can’t put my finger on it is about him, or why it rankles me so much that Barber’s getting the attention and I’m not.
I feel so much safer knowing that, imminently, some guy who hates me and has a fucking HOOK is about to go to a place full of Muslim extremists, and then come back and launch a crusade on me. I mean, let’s face it- keeping the guy under surveillance is probably just a waste of money. After all, what sort of investment doesn’t get you cheap votes from dumb nationalists? Better just to cut my tax burden losses, send him home, let him round up some more recruits who really hate me and have them come in tourist visas so they can give me anthrax and blow me up.
God, just imagine a world where we kept all the really fucked up bastards who want me dead where we could see them- no threat of terrorism means no terrorism, and no terrorism means no having to vote for weird, dangerous right-wing lunatics with enormous wangs MADE OF GUN under the bizarre pretence that, because they started it, they can stop it too. I can’t even imagine a world where I didn’t have to fear black people, and I have Tony to thank for that.
And afterwards, you can just take the photos of the dead and put them on a big billboard with a handy slogan like “Again? Under the Liberal Democrats, the number of irrational, stupid policy decisions that mean we have to spend all the money on more guns to kill people with would actually FALL” and we can all go “My God, those sick bastards! Everyone knows that three year old children with AIDS because rich people are too cheap to save lives, and cancer absolutely not from depleted uranium shells at all God know what ever gave you that idea I mean they’re only, like, radioactive should be killed swiftly with the aid of bomblets that look like cans of fizzy pop! Those damn Liberals have had their fun, but now it’s time to get back to work” and vote you back in again.
Thank you Davey! A life imposing yr own fear of blacks and women and men who delve too deep on everyone else through a cunning combination of lying to them, issuing irrationally broad statements to the tabloid press and doing things seemingly designed to make their commutes to work tangibly more dangerous simply by virture of the fact that they have to breathe is surely the only way an honest working-class God-fearing heterosexual male Socialist can get into Christian Heaven™!