BATMAN DOESN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE.

1.2.03:

Richard Madeley, lesbians, peadophiles, large wads of money and media morals /

First of all, may I stress that I really can't imagine anything more boring then adding to the weight of boring media savvy analysis of t.A.T.u.. Second of all, can I stress that, really, everything else in my day is more boring to read about then this.

So to begin with- t.A.T.u. do not matter one flying fuck. Wether they are lesbians is entirely irrelevant. As, one presumes, are they. It doesn't matter that one of their grandparents exposed that, when one of them was younger, she held hands with a boy. It doesn't matter that their name is an abriviation, in Russian, of "This one fancies that one". It doesn't matter that I want to look like the black haired one. It doesn't matter. At all. They're not even going to empower beligured teenage lesbians in high school. Maybe they'll make the word "ginger" become "flame haired" and people'll stop [icking on them. That's, like... it. I can't even remember how the song goes.

But why is Richard "voice of slightly fluffy rampant conservatims and tabloid logic" Madeley branding them "sick" and calling for them to be banned? There are three reasons, I feel:

REASON ONE / The less likely one, but it came into my head first.
Richard fancies them in that video. Like... lots. Then he finds out that they're 14 in it (according to the front of the paper this story was in. It was the News Of The World). At this point, he goes totally NOTW. See, readers of that paper really like their naked teenagers. Espcially lesbian naked teenagers. At the root of this is why they often like to tell everyone where the peadophiles are. To make sure everyone knows they're totally not down with it. Richard probablly feels betrayed by them, like the guy who chats the woman in the short skirt up, only to find that "no" has some kind of actual semantic meaning that pretty much everyone universally understands. So he's calling for a ban on them.

REASON TWO / This one is highly unlikely, I just found it funny the way she talked about her daughter's friends once. Worrying, but funny.
His wife Judy's been making more inappropriate allusions to her finding teenage girls pretty and "looking at them at parties". He's jealous.

REASON THREE / We all know this to be true
t.A.T.u.'s evil gay Commie HQ sent evil gay Commie spies with cheap vodka and oodles of lovely money in the direction of C4, their paragons of mid-day, mid-life, middle-of-the-road right wing anti-logic, and every dirty old man's favourite excuse for preving and girls and told them to boost weekend sales, presumably because the mid-week placing for All The Things She Said wasn't as tip-top hip-hopping as they'd have liked.

It's all bollocks, but I spent six hours writting that in my head at work, so I figured I had to do something with it.

_chris! // 23:02

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31.1.03:

I have ust found out that Needledick actually writes a column mroe then once I week. This is good. i can add handy comments in brackets and send them beack to him ALL THE TIME now. This is great, it makes me happy. Then I get a really balnd email back telling me he has no time to reply, but apprectiates my input. All these emails are the same. It's great.

_chris! // 17:51

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30.1.03:

I realise, ofcourse, that most of you don't come here for my anally retentive outpourings on the state of my life, but then there is neither anything else here, so why else would you come here? and also... you don't come here again anyway. So it doesn't matter.

I made it into university (ish. I got a conditional offer I should be able to make if I don't keep slacking off like I am). This means I leave home in october this year. This is super tip top freaky weird cool.

I should probablly telling you about the films I've seen in the past few days (Bowling For Columbine, Solaris, Force of Evil, The Big Heat, Kiss Me Deadly), but I oddly don't seem to be able to, or want to. So I shant. Nurh.

_chris! // 20:18

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28.1.03:

Last ntie I got a lot written in my notebook. It's stopped being about the quality of what I write, and mroe about the quantity. if I get as much down as possible, maybe I can later go back and eek out ideas from the mess and make something better with it. But for now, just writting as much as possible is the order of the day.

It somehow feels like this is a good, admirable thing. I must stop considering that everything I do must be of a quality fit for public exhibition. I really should stop wanting whole-carear retrospectives to be avalible one day.

STOP PRESS!
I will continue the above later. Right now I am unable to act thanks the sheer fucking idiocy of John Needledick*.

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*Calling him htis is petty, I know. But it gives me a happy all the same.

_chris! // 13:54

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27.1.03:

WHAT DO WE WANT? War as retribution for Saddam's constant breaking of UN resolution's and flouting of interntional law!

HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET IT? Illegally!

Is anyone else thinking Colin Powell was probablly just pretending to be a "dove" so that. when he became a "hawk", his harsh words wou;ld have more impact cos you'd get commentators talking bollocks like "previously seen as a moderate voice in the administration"? It's probablly to show that he has new information the rest of us don't and that this has radically changed his view of stupid useless wars that will do nothing but kill more people that aren't him.

Or maybe he genuinly only just got this info because Gerogey Porgey Pudding And Pie wouldn't give it to him, and instead sat on the top of the filling cabinet with a big fuck off rifle shouting "fuck of back to Africa, nigger!".

(Just as a small note: the crap at the top's meant to be a link to an article about Colin Powell's hawkish speach made yesterday, but dispite hearing about it all the fucking time yesterday (I'm sure I did), I can't remember where or why I did, and I can't seem to find anything on it now. Never mind)

_chris! // 23:45

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An Auidience With Jo, Vix And Elvis /

You know the gig's special when the drummer starts drumming to the song on the PA cos it looks like fun. You know the gig's special whent he three women on stage start singing a song about how they're in a band cos it looks like fun. You know to be scared when they thing you're friends are heckling you, but that's another matter entirely...

For six months I've been imagining what Valerie sound like. Shockingly, they sound just like it. They're a mess. A glorious, fun mess. They fall into the crowd. They shout. They have one of those things Rolf Harris played that goes WHEEEEEEEEE. There is no cooler noise in the universe. Even the drum machine Jo uses is the one I used to beat up when my friend got it for Christmas. It made a good sound then, but it sounds better now, messing up with the Buffalo bar's sound system and not making the noises it's supposed to (because modern technology's rubbish).

They're the pop band I want to be in, and even more importantly, they're the pop band it feels like I could be. They're fans, they're ametures, they don't seem to know what they're doing. They don't make it look that hard. There's a bit, at the end of the gig, when I feel like I should tell them "well done". I do, and so I get to hold their drink. I wish I'd been alive for the riot grrls. That was probablly just like this- lost indie boys with spots stood dubmly holding their new favourite icons' drinks while they pack their own instruments away, wondering about the whowhatwherewhywhens of the sudden switch in the rock n' roll formula. Why is it suddenly two ovaries = good, no ovaries = bad?? It all suddenly seems monstrously unfair.*

So monstrously unfair, it seems, that I spend too much time pondering this and not enough time paying attention to what is happening. Eventually, I realise the not wholly pleasent attacking of my hip isn't some weird guy behind me with a fucked up elbow spasm schtick going on. Jo wants her drink back. I'm such an idiot at times.

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*Do you see what I did there? I moved from one emotion to another in one paragraph, acuratly reflecting my feelings at the time. In my writting. oooh, I'm such the real journalist now...

_chris! // 11:48

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