Whoa! Fuck! Shit! /

I am slowly evolving into a total
computerised fom-filling ninja bastard! I can tell you all the things that will determine the my future life thru a bunch of stupid mouseyclickypointy moves and as if this fact in itself wasn't scary enough, I have found that I can fill this out at home (I'm slow on this uptake schtick) so now I am able to do this without getting horrible nervous at the prospect of someone coming along at laughing at me E in French or something. I am totally shitting scared of all of this. My future is being decided on the basis of about 3457 dropdown menus and a big fucking text boxs.

I am so gonna fuck up this A Level year and this form and my life and I can't leave education and get a real job because I am educated and that's all I ever do. Be educated. Fuck the fact that i don't really get all gung-ho on homework and shit. Finding excusses and feeling that Shit! I should be working! in the pit of my stomach while I'm watching Neighbours and bitching about how I've got two whole lessons today first and last and so I can't leave and OH AnD I JUST SO PERSECUTED!! and listneing to N*E*R*D all the time is just an eternal part of my fibre. I'm totally freaked out by the way that no one gives me back recipts with a B Should try harder in red ink handwriting at work. How do you expect me to live if you do tell me how well I am doing at it??

_chris! // 12:36


11.10.02: /

>wasn't funny. as been forgotten<

Here endeth live teansmissions. Funny how you totally loose quality control when you're (half) dead.

_chris! // 08:44



fucking National Poetry Day... /

What is the fucking point of this?? Today, we were told to "write a poem". Which eventually became "Write a crositch" or whatever the fuck it is. So what did we do? Someone read The Raven, everone found Wesselmann's Bedroom Tit Box (With Live Tit) very funny and I discovered that actually (SHOCK!) Higgins is actually quite a good writer too!

BNoring boring boring. Poetry in forced situations totally sucks. So does writting it. Sod off.

_chris! // 13:49



i hate you stupid fucks /

Why am I doing this to myself? I have decided, for reasons I totally don’t get, to compare music reviews from publications with reviews to those without. In the interests of this, I have today brought current issues of The Face, NME and Q. Always one to leap to conclusions, rant and be an arse, here’s my preliminary findings:

01> The NME are the evil apprentice of darkness (they’re evil, yeh, but hardly original). They, The Cooper Temple Clause and, uh... AOL have pulled off one remarkably obvious stroke of up-the-sales/-the-fanbase/-the-... what the fuck are AOL doing here?! shindigery with this- last week, NME give TCTC the front page, a three page article consisting of about 90 words and a shit load of pictures of them looking all GRR and ROCK and LO-SLUNG, and lots of stickers given away free of their hair (notoriously big, it was formally a figure of fun for NME, until they realised that everyone had big hair, and now they love it. Oddly). In return, TCTC gave them their new single (the Fuck! Shit! Arse! Sod it, just get a lop and warble on it... A.I.M.) which, in order to get, you have to send yr address to NME, thus meaning they now have yr address and can get loads of money out of advertisers by selling it to them. AOL gave a free ceedee away this week, which rattled around in the cellophane cover making people think TCTC single was, you know, actually given to you fairly. Naive fucks...

02> The Face JUST. DON’T. GET. IT. This month, comics are (apparently) “in”. Admittedly, I’ve not heard of most of them*, but I have heard of Paul Pope. They seem to have hit the 100% hype right at it’s arse end (isn’t this it’s last issue??), but why the fuckfuckfuck are they trying to tell me it’s some fucking companion piece to Heavy Liquid?! Apparently, these are his “coming of age” stories. Right. Ignoring the fact that Heavy Liquid is 3 years old now. And how did they not get this earlier? Skinny people! Who look like horses!! Taking drugs!!! And having sex!!!! The fact that they missed this can only fill me with dread at the prospect that there even more tales of sexandheroinanddeathandsexandbeingcool out there that aren’t as good as Heavy Liquid that they're gonna dig up sometime later. Next month, Great New Talent Hunter Stockton Thompson Get’s An Up-And-Coming Profile!!

03> The Face continues to not get it by thinking that
Buy Nothing Day is to “protest against war, capitalism and bad shops”.

04> The Face super doesn’t get it by featuring a mock interview with The Powerpuff Girls. Pfft! Can’t they see that cartoons about five year old female ninjas being cute and kicking arse and quoting Van Halen and totally rocking my world is completely the way to go!! Oh, no, wait... Shiit.

05> Q, just as U2 are preparing to release a new single to trail their new album new Best Of... to trail their new tour, give Bono the mantel of “Most Powerful Person In Music Today”, and the band the front page and a fuckoff big interview. I simply can’t wait to read their review of Electric Storm (“the new zeitgeist!!”, perhaps?) of 1990-2000(“simply the best collection of pop songs ever recorded!” maybe?)...

05.5> Also, they didn’t even bother to pretend that Bono was given the mantel of “Most Powerful Person In Music Today” for being, you know... powerful in music, as one may have reasonably assumed (I’m thinking that’s cos the singles off the last album sounded, you know, like totally fucking everyone else, and there’s now way you could even pretend they were setting trends or even really caring), but for “talking to the UN”, “cancelling debt” and “making a Republican cry” (OK, the last one’s cool). Come on! At least fucking try!!

06> This months coolest things, from a quick perusal of The Face, appear to be heroin, flaccid penises, shooting, people who look like members of the Strokes, urine, and porn**. Next month, Hot Naked Chicks Shoot Heroin Boiled In Urine Through The Guy In The New GAP Advert’s Flaccid Penis!!

07> “That macro cannot be played in this environment”. I don’t know!! It just flashed up as an error message while I was typing this! WHAT THE FUCK?!

08> The Rolling Stones’ full page Q add for their Best Of... is repayed with favourable reviews fo about 3/4’s of their re-issued back catalogue and having “Sir Mick Jagger & Keith Richards” named the 41 Most Important Person In Music.

09> Irv Gotti just got features in all three magazines, despite being, um... totally un-heard-of before now. Prove me wrong if you like, you fucks, but I swear this guy only just got invented so the funky great Neptunes-made hip pop revival can be accredited to a man who doesn’t stick his happiness in Britney Spears’ ear.

10> The Face’s sudden promotion of side partings is probably totally unconnected to the fact that I’ve been waxing my hair into that position ever since it got slept on for so long that my follicles appear to have genetically reconfigured themselves to grow that way anyway, but I can pretend...

11> I fucking hate you, print media, advertising, people who look like they’re on drugs, genitals, breasts, guns, skateboaders, Irish musicians, demographics, denim, navels, rich people, poor people who are really rich, rich people who are really poor, poor people, cellophane wrapping, lies, liars, hair, shoes, money, the internet, people who read this shit, comics, fucking everything everywhere ever all the time always, myself and really bad white trainers.

*OK, I’ve heard of Doom Patrol from Morrison’s time, and Top 10’s author Alan Moore is possibly impossible to have not heard of)

** One for Fluxy- EMOPORN.COM!!

NB/ Superlength shitfest above to amke up for lack of smaller shitfest in pervious weeks.

_chris! // 18:06


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