BATMAN DOESN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE.

10.8.02:

Some notes for the bastards I went to church with tonite-

- God doersn't hate Pole's. He especailly doen't hate the Pole who was stood at the front of the church with a big fucking grin on his face from the sheer joy of getting to say the mass in English, even tho he couldn't speak English. You know all the words anyway...

- My low-slung jeans are not worthy of comment.

- God does care wether the tounges on my All Star's are straight. If he didn't, then he wouldn't have made these most perfect of shoes- would he? And I am perfectly justified in spending my "prayer time" in straightening them, because it's that or stare at you to put you off.

- Just because I pussied out of getting my nails painted for the weekend, if I had gone to mass with them done, I wouldn't be gay. And my God knows that. Because my God is a grown up. He also knows that being gay doesn't matter anymore. My God is a lot older then yr God, and will totally ninja yr fucking pirate ass.

- God likes The Neptunes, so so should you. Beotch.

I really hate those pople...

_chris! // 20:30

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9.8.02:

Six hits of Randy, so I figure he's pulling his weight... So yeh, mad props to baldie!

_chris! // 23:01

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So anyway, I've been thinking more about the mentioned-last-nite Best British Blogger competition.

First up, I am not enetering primarily because I do not want the hassle of having to go thru the whole entry procedure when I know full well that I'm not going to win. There is also the fact that i doubt very much that this award will make any differenc whatsoever at all in any way. Because like Tom said (read the interview, twart), BLOGS ARE VERY SUBJECTIVE (but he used better words and didn't say it in capitals, becuase he is a better man then me). Take, say,
Tom's, for instance-

It is, apparently, the Best European Blog, according to the Bloggies.

The Guardian give it madprops for being good.

It's all Whoa! Famous! and I can pretend to know the guy, and know people who've seen him IN REAL LIFE.

The man is lovely and has shown an awful lot of indiffernce towards me, when mild irritation would have been more appropriate.

I've even linked to the thing.

And yet I don't read it. So i fail to see how slapping a BEST IN BRITAIN!! sticker on a blog is going to make me read it. The only blog I really read is Lucy's, which I know I only read because it is her. And sometimes I check kookymojo because it is pretty and pink, and notopia for it's angst and intellect, and Mordant get's checked every few days, and Flux should be absorbed WORD BY WORD 'TIL YOU KNOW EVERYTHING HE KNOWS... So yeh, that's not too many. I should read more. Giving something an award is not gonna make me read it. I will read it if it means something to me, if something about the person makes me go Mmm, cool writting. We like. THAT IS HOW THESE BLOG THINGS WORK.

I alos thing Tom was maybe a bit harsh when he said that the judges "didn't read blogs". I think they might have a bit more profesionalism then that. A bit.

_chris! // 00:07

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8.8.02:

I would really lvoe it if this was of some sort of relevance to me.

_chris! // 00:23

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7.8.02:

The two single most annoying things in the world:

People who, in the middle of laughing, say "It's funny, 'cos it's true", when this blatently isn't a reason for something being funny, but ratehr the fact that it is something that is true that is on a BBC sketch show / sitcom / scheudle-filling lazy piece of faux-chatshow shit. The fact that something has just been re-enacted, "wryly oberserved" or whatever over canned laughter or a captaive auidence being told to laugh by a dispondent deputy floor manager bearing a cardboard sign with the word "LAUGH" on it doesn't acutally suddenly mean something is funny when before it was a fact of life. It means you have simply been given Greg Dyke's Offical Permission To Find It Funny. Which is very different indeed. Please kindly just find the same things funny in yr every day life and not merely within the BBC's Humour Permissable Half-Hour Zones.

People who, in the middle of laughing, say "It's not really funny" when what they really mean is "Yes! I still find the word "bum" funny!". There is nothing wrong with finding "bum" funny. Finding "bum" funny is what happens when you stop being twelve and thinking that 01> saying "bum" makes you gay and 02> being gay is a bad thing. Not only are you clearly ashamed to admit that you are acutally grown up and have accepted both yr own and other peopese sexuality and ceased to actually believe that because of who they get theirs rocks off with you can actually make a single assumption about their personage except about how they might want to get their rocks off with (remember people: MATURITY ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE IS NOT TO BE TOLLERATED OR THE WORLD WILL BECOME A BETTER PLACE), but that you are also blatently lying.

Grr. Bastards.

_chris! // 23:58

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5.8.02:

God I fucking hate tidying up.

Which I don't meant to sound stroppy and tantrumy and 14 years old. I'ts not liek I partciularly hate all the different pshysical activities involved in tidying up (such as laying on the bed, dancing badly to records cos you know on one's gonna come in cos they hate tidying up too and playing bass cos you're bored. Um... ). And I'll gladly tidy other peoples shit up for them. That's cool. Put stuff in bags, move stuff around. I can do that. I can't dpo it to my own stuff (and no one else can either) because I really like my stuff.

I have this really bad fasciniation with my own kipple. I like knowing it's there. I like knowing that if I get out of bed in the nite I'm gonna step on something. I like sitting here at the computer and looking at all the ceedee's pilling up around it. I like my envelopes and postcards and pencils and crap from cereal boxes and safety pins and cardboard boxes from ceedees and pens that have half run out and I LIKE MY STUFF! ALL OF IT!! And I really hate throwing it away- like, what if I need it? What if it becomes important to me? How will that person feel about it?

Which is stupid. I don't feel like I'll become less of a person if I don't have this big load of junk in my life. It won't be like I becomne invalidated or something. And sure, I'm not totally attached to everything (see that stub from Lord Of The Rings? That can go ANYTIME I LIKE. For real), and this really doesn't extended to things like homework. Everything just feels unbalanced if it get's moved out of sight.

Why did I just tell you that? Because I've just burried my foot in a big fuckoff pile of university prospectuses that I'm meant to be moving.

_chris! // 15:29

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4.8.02:

Pean to the word SHIT /

The word shit is great. I mean really great. If swear words were drugs, it'd be crack. Everyone knows that. Arse is LSD and fuck is heroin. We don't talk about cunt. Because from the way people act to that, I'm thinking it actually is a felony. Like murder.

So anyway- obviously I love other swear words (I get the feeling they're not mongomous, and I gotta whole load of swear-word-love to go around... ). After all: arse was the best thing about Britpop, bastard is always fun, bitch fills in all the holes in yr vocabulary that fuck doesn't (no, really! There are some!) and crap is said in polite society now!

But none of them are shit. Becuase shit can be changed into shiit (the
Spaced pornouciation, if you must know. Which you must!) and shite, both great words. But if you combine them, you get shiite, which isn't really that good, if a tad apt (yes, I want anthrax! Send me anthrax!).

Plus it made Bridget Jones' Diary almost bearable. Almost.

But it's power is to be used wisely. Because if it is abused, you will end up with bullshit. Why would you possibly need the term bullshitbollocks(Just learn the word! It's a fun word! Don't make up a crappy word!)? And to make matter sworse, it then gets cahnged to bullcrap. Which is utterly terrible. Why would you even try and make a bit-less-strong version? And if you can say crap, surely you can say shit? Which still isn't as bad as... as... B.S., as so greatly excemplified by the throughly detestable (I think that might have been the point... ) Alberta Greene of 24's througly detestable line "I have a great nose for B.S."- the fuck?! That's just horrible! Show some respect, fuckdamn you!!

Remember people- shit is yr friend. Use it gratuitously.

_chris! // 00:05

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