So. Kylie. There's someone who deserves non-fatal syphilis.

Why did I just watch part of a fucking documentary on the thing? (I made it up to Locomotion, if you're wondering) I was kinda hopping that they'd reveal the knife fights and shit between her and Dani and how they had an abusive father and mother and shit. That'd be cool. Damaged children from show biz dynasty. It's got a certain sort of... depressing predictability about it.

But yeah. Kylie is totally fucking irksome. For a start, she's so dancy. Like... total fucking dance, all the fucking time! Dance dance dance! Gah fuck... And then there's the hot pants. No way you look at it, gold spangly hot pants blow ass. And then there's the fact that she's attractive in a "The 12 year old girl from next door you wanted to sodomize all grown up and got a fashioner advisor", which appeals to all those sick fucks who read tabloids round there parts and probablly all others. I mean, at last I'm not as confused on the attraction point as I am with Sophie "Talentless fucking crack whore hack bitch shit arse evil cunt" Ellis Bextor (what is all the about?! "Look! She's got a face like a fucking block of wood! Huzzah!" Cock. Off), but still... Why?!

And just watching her, it's like... gouge. Totally. She just makes me want to punch shit. Watching her is exactly how I expect being stuck in a lift with Allistair McGowan would be like. Just totally.. Whoa! Stop it with the fucking irking. For real.

Yeh, I can't stand her. I don't get how everyone else can. Maybe I'm just cleverer.

_chris! // 23:31



An open (and pointless) letter to India and Pakistan /

Dear A-Bomb-equiped global powers,

Please kindly put away yr thermoneuclear wangs. No one likes frat boys comparing the size of their dongs, least of all when said dongs leak plutonium isotopes and their mancustard makes children grow extra heads.

Yes boys, they’re both very impressive. Yes yes, we’re all very jealous. Now please put them back before you blow us all the fuck up. Yr game of international soggy biscuit was, at one time, boring, but now it is lethal. No one cares who can cum of fucking everyone everywhere ever faster, who can shoot glow-in-the-dark radiating jism on everyone in the near vicinty (Oh look! Everyone in the near vicinty hust happens to include Israel! Would you look atr that... ) or who has the most carconogenic sperm. All we care about is that you both do.

Maybe if you both put yr wangs away, did yr flys up and showed the world how grown men act and got on with sorting out yr more-then-a-bit-scary aversion to democracy (but it’s so effeminate!) then everyone can get on with their lives without fear of getting earcocked by the next little 14 yr old third world nation with pubescent angst about why America’s got hair in funny places.

Yr sincierly,
someone who cares

_chris! // 22:21



A question of morality and ethics on the sky is falling in /

The point of this zine is that it doesn't make us money.
We're not doing this for profit, because that isn't why we make things. Becuase we have wanky ideals of creavity, self-sufficency and liberation for crappy jobs and lameass dull shit. Well, Ben does... I have no problem with my crappy, lameass job. It's what pays my way. Like that odd little man who's shopping I packed once said, It keeps you in art- which surprised me, cos there aren't many people around on my department (or any department in any supermarket, I guess) who are doing their jobs to be "kept in art", but still...

So basically, that leaves me with funding our enterprise. Which I'm fine with, because I can. I am being perfectly well sustained (bar totally fucking random shitfests of "Whoa! Only £200 left and nothing t spend it on! I'm skint!") going bleep eight hours a week,a nd can afford to pay for this. Hell, I like the ideal image of people scrapping their way thru shitty day jobs to get the money together to fund a zine. As a cultural meme, I think it rules. But Ben can't do this, and so basically he's stuck not running at a defficit to amke is art, making his art and not being stuck in a shitty rut, but also frankly not being able to sustain himself.

And the biggest problem of all is the fact that the above it getting in the way of us actually getting on and making the fucker and getting it out there. OK, so there's exams too, but... we need to get this done and should stop getting distracted with petty admin problems.

Soon, people... soon.

_chris! // 21:26


OK, so I'm aware that just about no one who reads this is going to give a fuck, and it's probablly more appropriate that it's put over there but this place needs an update...

It's everyone's last day tomorrow. For me, this means I get to stop hitting Rob around the head in Biology lessons. No. Big. Deal. But, like... It's Jenny's and Kate's and Hannah's and Louisa's and Sarah's and, like... whoa. No more them. How odd's that?! alright, so we may not have a tight-knit group dynamic thang goin' on, but... I LIKE THEM FUCKDAMMIT! It's just gonna be odd, OK?

In other news, JIM GOT BLOG and I guess Ben beat me to it.

So, like... You'll get a ral update when all my exams are over. Happy?

_chris! // 21:04



So today is my totally undeserved day off.

Fuck the fact that I'm in the thick of exams and have to work tomorrow and Friday and Saturday and know jack for three out of four of my exams next week and have probablly failed the two I just did and I'm a twat so my new bag has, like... a hole that's twice the size of the flap so the rain gets in on days like these. I want a day off and so by fuck, today is my day off.

In a week's time all this will be over (I've acutually got to the stage of completely ignoring my last exam, it's so far away). After that I can run round London with
Mark in, like... total fucking fear that he'l tell everyone all that shit that i never told him but he knows anyway that I never want to go any further. and I can work on The Sky Is Falling In with Ben, our own little piece of pretnetious, Carsonesque, sub-Beyic millenialist angst.

I so need to do something new. These exams are just ruining my complection...

_chris! // 20:40



Things are going to start moving again. I can feel it.

I two weeks, I'm off to London.
Me and Mark are going theaterneering. We're going to see Bacchai and The Distance From here, and meet some 'lithers hopefully. It'll be cool. I haven't seen them for a long time, or got off the island, or been to the theatre.

And you know, on a totally unrelated topic: Why on eath don't I listen to Rings Around The World, like... all the fucking time?! It's such a lovely record... I dunno. It's odd, like with When Do We Start Fighting. I'll, like... find it and listen to it all the time for a bit, then put it away and forget it and then take it ack out again and love it. I guess it keeps the albums good for longer... Daydream Nation, I'm like this with that, too...

Wow. This post is really all over the place, isn't it? GOod style or not, I don't know... tell me!

_chris! // 15:22


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